{"id":586053,"date":"2022-08-16T16:14:00","date_gmt":"2022-08-16T13:14:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/allforwomen.com.de\/?p=586053"},"modified":"2024-07-24T21:18:36","modified_gmt":"2024-07-24T18:18:36","slug":"the-relationship-of-spouses-in-the-family-problems-and-features-of-development-methods-of-formation-and-current-issues","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/allforwomen.com.de\/en\/the-relationship-of-spouses-in-the-family-problems-and-features-of-development-methods-of-formation-and-current-issues\/","title":{"rendered":"The relationship of spouses in the family: problems and features of development, methods of formation and current issues"},"content":{"rendered":"

Each problem that arises before them, aimed at changing the quality of life, plays a role in the development of relationships between spouses in the family. Most often, problems in the relationship of spouses arise during crisis periods of life: the birth of children, serious illnesses of family members, difficulties in work, career, and financial security. Harmoniously formed marital relationships allow you to withstand all life's trials with honor and emerge victorious from the process of going through difficulties. The problem of relationships in the family considered in this article includes a set of issues related to the peculiarities of solving certain problems. It is told about how to properly form marital relationships in the family, built on mutual respect and trust.<\/p>\n

There are several typical difficulties that arise in family relationships. They also exist in calm periods of family life, but in a family crisis<\/a> they are more noticeable.<\/p>\n

Development of relationships in the family between young spouses<\/h2>\n

Considering the relationship between spouses, it is worth assuming that there are roles that people play in the family and in a wider circle, society. These roles are filled with a very diverse content: from the duties of a person to his manner of behaving. The relationship of young spouses begins with the fact that each person in the family takes on a certain role, but at some point life requires a change in the repertoire. Difficulties arise where a change of role causes resistance: a person is not able to accept new forms of activity for himself, the family, as it were, gets stuck in old role models, resists changes.<\/p>\n

For example, a woman who is accustomed to activity and an active position is forced to change her lifestyle – to stay at home with a child. But internally, she resists change, does not want to take on the role of a mother, a woman doing housework. By the way, life events during pregnancy and childbirth directly affect a woman's ability to take on a maternal role. A successful pregnancy makes the role of a mother easy and enjoyable. And the unfavorable course of pregnancy (illness, death of loved ones, divorce) or difficult childbirth, on the contrary, complicate this process. In this case, it is more difficult for a woman to accept a new concept of herself, to feel harmonious in a new role.<\/p>\n

The same thing with the development of relationships in the family can happen to a man. He is also required to behave and internally restructure, for which he may not be ready. For example, he does not want to part with a relatively free way of life: he does not want to load and overload himself with work, help around the house, he does not want to give up constant communication with friends. And if such resistance comes from both spouses, the situation heats up, becomes even more tense.<\/p>\n

In itself, resistance to change is not something abnormal, it is a completely understandable phenomenon! We all accept new things through some resistance, we just need time to adapt to the changed state of things. But too strong resistance to change, sabotage creates problems, prevents you from moving on to a new life stage, to new relationships.<\/p>\n

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The point, rather, is not that resistance is inherently abnormal or harmful, but rather its strength. Some resistance is a sign that family members are ordinary people, not devoid of anything human. And excessive resistance in family relationships between spouses can speak of intrapersonal difficulties, poor awareness of one's goals and priorities.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Perhaps, in every family, one way or another, people face difficulties when it is necessary to change their role, to make changes that life requires. But only stubborn resistance to the demands of life leads to tension within the family, conflicts and family dramas.<\/p>\n

Psychology and nature of relationships in the family between parents<\/h2>\n

Another factor in the psychology of relationships in the family, which increases the level of tension in connection with the birth of a child, is the difficulties experienced by family members in communicating with each other. Sometimes they are ready to communicate on problematic issues, but the nature of relationships in the family is such that every contact ends in a quarrel. And very often, as such, there is no open discussion of mutual expectations and problematic aspects of life. Fundamental disagreements are hushed up, it is assumed that to speak, that is, to express one's desires, claims, emotions in words, to understand people who love each other, it is not necessary: \u200b\u200b”After all, if he loves, he himself must understand what I want – he just needs to feel!"<\/p>\n

The nature of family relationships can change depending on external conditions and under the influence of internal psychological work. There is always a topic for disagreement in the family. These disagreements in family relationships between parents are taken mainly from one source – from everyone's ideas about the correct order of things. Growing up, people form their so-called pictures of the world, which include all the ideas of a particular person about what the “I” is, what the “others” are, what the world is. Each person is also the bearer of certain beliefs and prescriptions, how one should behave himself and how others should behave. All these ideas and perceptions add up to the so-called human profile – an individual system of beliefs about oneself, the world and how one should live. The profile includes everything: from questions of existential content (why do we live in this world?) to questions of the most private nature (who should be responsible for the order in the house?). This profile is our identity. And it leaves a direct imprint on the nature of relationships in the family.<\/p>\n

Individuality and relationships in a married couple<\/h2>\n

\"TheThe dictionary defines the concept of individuality as a set of properties of each creature that distinguishes it from other creatures of the same species. The key parameter of this concept is the differences that distinguish a person, make him unique, special. Relationships in a married couple should take into account the individuality of each partner and be based on the principle of using the best qualities of a man and a woman.<\/p>\n

And so two people with individuality (personal profile) decide to build a life together. At the same time, each of them has his own set of ideas about how this life should be arranged.<\/p>\n

Some of their views are the same or very similar. For example, both believe that it is better for a wife not to work, to take care of children.<\/p>\n

If the profiles of the husband and wife coincide to a very large extent, the assertion of roles and the distribution of responsibilities occurs for the most part automatically – both know that "it's so right." There are no conflicts. This happens if the spouses come from families with a similar way of life. And everyone, reproducing their own system of values, automatically falls into the system of values \u200b\u200bof the other. In such a situation, there are indeed fewer reasons for conflicts, since the couple sees the solution of global issues in the same way. For this reason, marriages between members of the same culture and the same social circle have always seemed desirable to people. And the union of two people of different nationalities, faiths and social strata is practically impossible, or it will experience all the delights of completely different pictures of the world of spouses.<\/p>\n

Features of the relationship of spouses in the family<\/h2>\n

\"TheFeatures of the relationship of spouses are based on the fact that their ideas about the “right life” may not coincide, but coexist peacefully. For example, both believe that it is better to spend holidays separately in order to relax from each other. But the nature of this holiday in the minds of the spouses is different: he gravitates towards tourism, and she likes to lie on the beach. But since it is convenient for them to rest separately, there are no problems.<\/p>\n

Considering the peculiarities of relationships in the family, one must also understand that there are conflicting beliefs. The husband, for example, believes that the wife should behave modestly, and the wife is accustomed to a wide circle of friends, and sees nothing wrong with light flirting. Or the husband is sure that he must independently control the finances of the family, and the wife claims to know everything about financial movements and take part in important decisions about spending. Or the husband wants to keep a joint budget, and the wife insists that everyone have their own money and only part of it is common.<\/p>\n

It turns out that the profiles of the spouses partially coincide, and partially diverge. The more profiles do not match, the more reasons for negotiations, open discussion of contradictions.<\/p>\n

Spouses with different profiles have disagreements over a wide variety of reasons, both major and minor. Here is some of them.<\/p>\n

"Acute" issues in the relationship between spouses<\/h2>\n

\"TheThere are typical, so-called "Acute" issues of relationships in the family between a man and a woman. They are based on ideas about the typical way in the family. Let's analyze some of them.<\/p>\n

Who earns money in the family.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Some men are extremely negative about the wife earning money and being financially independent. They also oppose the career growth of the spouse. Such impulses of the wife will always undermine the man's sense of security in the family.<\/p>\n

In another case, on the contrary, the woman is convinced that the financial support of the family is the man's business, and all "real men" provide for the family. The woman reacts indignantly to her husband's proposal to find her a job in order to be jointly responsible for financial well-being.<\/p>\n

How closely do you communicate with your parents?<\/strong><\/p>\n

In the view of one of the spouses, the most desirable pastime at leisure is relaxing with their parents. The other spouse does not share this point of view, he is oppressed by communication with the older generation.<\/p>\n

How and what to give gifts.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Birthdays and other significant events are always filled with special emotional content. For some, it is with a plus sign and they are waiting for fireworks these days, for others, on the contrary, it is colored negatively (“I don\u2019t like my birthday!”). In any case, a person these days is internally especially demanding both for the holiday and for the behavior of others. And violation of these requirements in family relationships between spouses can lead to big conflicts.<\/p>\n

How to behave with family friends, how often to invite guests.<\/strong><\/p>\n

People have very different ideas about who and how often will be in their home. For example, a husband is inclined to an “open” family, he wants to often see guests in the house. The wife perceives this as an encroachment on her own territory, a violation of borders. For a husband, the secluded lifestyle to which his wife is accustomed is stress and a painful violation of his ideas about the right life. He begins to feel isolated, depressed, psychologically suffocated. There is bound to be tension.<\/p>\n

On the other hand, the reverse picture: the wife painfully endures the constant presence of strangers in the house. When someone "twirls" in "her kitchen", she feels that her boundaries are unceremoniously violated. It is as if she is losing her family, losing her nest – and, of course, she is also tense. If the family does not discuss this problem and does not come to a satisfactory solution for both, then the conflict situation will lead the family, most likely, to the suppression of the attitudes of one of the spouses and the psychological breakdown of the other.<\/p>\n

What should be the attitude towards children in the family.<\/strong><\/p>\n

People have different ideas about how to properly love children.<\/p>\n

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A wife, for example, strives to give her children maximum warmth, care and protection, while it seems to her husband that this leads to pampering and effeminacy. If the spouses are in conflict over the upbringing of children, this will affect intra-family relations.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

How to express emotions.<\/strong><\/p>\n

The question of how acceptable and desirable to show their emotions often becomes a stumbling block in the family. For example, a husband is not restrained, he comes from a family where it was customary to let off steam, to break loose, including on children. He is terrible in anger. And for the wife's family, the manifestation of open anger was considered something unacceptable, out of the ordinary – a woman, in fact, does not remember anyone in the family raising her voice. The wife sincerely believes that her husband's family is dangerous for her children. In such a situation, the mother can act as a protector and try to limit the contact of children with the father's family. The husband, naturally, feels slighted in matters of influence on the child.<\/p>\n

Different ideas of family members about how to behave correctly, their mismatched personality profiles are not a sentence for relationships. But differences force people to agree – and this is precisely the main task and the main difficulty. Problems arise precisely in those families where open discussion of differences in views and the search for compromise solutions (rather than insisting on one's own picture of the world) are difficult. If one or both spouses are sure that the ideal solution is to “push through” the partner, instill in him his own system of values, then the relationship turns into a field of military operations.<\/p>\n

Methodology for the formation of relationships in a modern family<\/h2>\n

\"TheThe only true method of family relationships is based on the ability to listen and hear another person, put yourself in his place and look for mutual points of contact. There are two attitudes that prevent people from starting the process of negotiating their relationship.<\/p>\n

1 If we are different, then nothing can be fixed.<\/strong><\/p>\n

In fact, when forming relationships in the family, people are able to change. Agreements, compromises and a system of concessions can lead a couple to a good relationship.<\/p>\n

2 For the situation to improve, the partner must change.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Isn\u2019t it a familiar phrase: “I already told him a hundred times that you can\u2019t eat in bed (yelling at a child, throwing things around, calling friends without warning, eating fast food)!”? It is much easier for us to declare our requirements for relationships in a modern family than to change ourselves: try to expand our ideas about what is acceptable, accept that the partner is different and has the right to his values, just really listen to a person in order to understand his reasons. In the expectation that family life will change only when the partner changes, one can safely end up in a divorce.<\/p>\n

The personality profiles of parents influence what kind of personality profile their child will have in the future. However, children generally do not directly copy the personality profiles of their parents (even if the child grows up in a single-parent family). The individuality of the child will be, as it were, the result of exposure, an imprint (but not necessarily a copy) of the personal profiles of the parents and the nature of their relationship. Thus, the child of a hysterical mother can be both equally expressive (“like mother”) and emphatically restrained (“not to be as crazy as mother”). The child may take on the traits and attitudes of a parent to whom he is especially close, or create a mix of mom and dad's worldviews.<\/p>\n

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The way parents dealt with the difference in their worldviews will directly affect how the adult child will see the relationship between a man and a woman in the family.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

The relationship of parents in the modern semta, among other things, forms the child's attitude to family life in general. So, for example, a daughter who grew up in a family where her father drank heavily, and her mother, exhausted, cared for him, may have a negative attitude to the very prospect of family relationships for herself (although not always consciously). And a child whose parents are representatives of two different cultures, who have found a compromise and managed to build strong and sincere relationships, can be a staunch supporter of the family and a person who is ready to see and understand the features of the other.<\/p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How the relationship of spouses is built in a modern family with children: what problems and features exist, with the help of what methods can they be overcome<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":504857,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_wp_rev_ctl_limit":""},"categories":[543],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-586053","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-the-family"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/allforwomen.com.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/586053","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/allforwomen.com.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/allforwomen.com.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allforwomen.com.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allforwomen.com.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=586053"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/allforwomen.com.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/586053\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allforwomen.com.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/504857"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/allforwomen.com.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=586053"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allforwomen.com.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=586053"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/allforwomen.com.de\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=586053"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}