The main manifestations of family crises in modern society and the causes of family disagreements due to changes in the number of members

If we do not take into account financial aspects, the main crises in the family are associated with a planned or independent change in the size of its composition. In the current situation (both with an increase in the family and with its reduction), the spouses have to take on additional, sometimes unusual functions, but not everyone is ready for this.

Any crisis in each family is unique and has its own characteristics. However, in all crisis situations there is a typical feature: they arise along with the need for internal and external changes in people who make up the family.

Three main stages of the manifestation of the crisis in the life cycle of the family

Psychologists consider three manifestations of a family crisis: the formation of a cell, the birth of a child, and the departure of one of the members.

The first crisis in the modern family occurs at the stage of the dyad (community of two people – husband and wife), when the family was just formed. At this stage, the spouses need to adapt to their new position, develop a general idea of ​​​​the family, establish the rules of communication within the "cell of society" they have created and the rules for the interaction of the family with the outside world.

The second crisis awaits the family in modern society at the stage of the triad (dad, mom and me), when the first child is born. The appearance of each next child naturally entails a change in the composition of the family – and a new crisis.

There is a social stereotype that the difficulties that arise in connection with a joyful event, such as the birth of a child, are somehow not customary to discuss. A woman is uncomfortable, often simply ashamed to complain about the difficulties she faces. In such a situation, she even feels guilty for the manifestations of the crisis in the family, for her thoughts and feelings. For example, the birth of a long-awaited child can be accompanied by a woman not only with joyful feelings, but also cause depression, increased anxiety, and doubts about her competence. However, as a result of the fact that a woman is embarrassed by her negative experiences, she believes that she has no right to them (the event was a joyful one, but she is unhappy!), she feels guilty for them, she does not tell others about them, she does not seek help, is in isolation. Insulation, on the other hand,

The next crisis in the life cycle of the family is associated with the child's going beyond the family – into a society that evaluates every person according to its own parameters. This is the time the child enters school.

Interestingly, the well-known children's "crisis of three years" is usually painless for the family. This can be explained by the fact that although the character of the child is changing, in connection with which the parents change their approach to him, but there are no fundamental changes in the relationship of family members.

Another stage of the crisis is the departure of children from the family, which also changes its composition. This crisis of the family, which in psychology is called the "empty nest crisis", is often accompanied by parents' experiences associated with aging, limiting their level of vital activity.

The most grievous event – the death of one of the spouses – transfers the other to the stage of the monad. This is also a period of crisis.

A change in the composition of the family in any direction, whether it is the addition of a family member or, conversely, the departure of a person from the family, is a manifestation of the crisis of the family in modern society. These periods account for the largest number of large and small conflicts, divorces, betrayals, and psychological difficulties among family members.

Psychological problems of the crisis of the modern family

Why is the change in family composition viewed as a crisis? After all, this event is often joyful: the long-awaited child was born, the daughter got married. Where do psychological problems come from?

In connection with the change in the composition of the family unit, whether it is the happy addition of a family or the departure of one of its members, three levels of problems of the crisis of the modern family are revealed:

• problems with new activities;
• interpersonal, communication problems;
• intrapersonal problems.

The first reason lies on the surface: in connection with the change in the composition of the family, people need to perform new duties, and the old ones often change or disappear altogether. The problem of family crisis manifests itself most clearly when a child is born. He needs to be looked after. These are the new responsibilities of mom and dad. Caring for a child is a specific job that is often elementary unfamiliar to family members, for example, if the child is the first. But any subsequent child sets new tasks for the family: it requires a new system of relations. It is not the same thing at all – to be the parents of one child, two or three children. The main reason for the crisis of the family is that family members are required to master new activities, to engage in new joint work.

The second reason follows directly from the first: as a rule, a new activity requires new relationships, new team interactions. When a family lives relatively calmly, does not face significant changes in life, then the relationship of cooperation becomes stereotypical. Of course, family members are not always satisfied with the prevailing stereotypes, but people are already accustomed to them and know what to expect from each other: who is responsible for what and who should do what (or has never done it in his life and is not going to do it in the future). For example, the wife is responsible for household chores, creating comfort and organizing meetings with friends and relatives, while the husband handles the financial issues of the family, makes large purchases, plans and organizes vacations.

Giving up one's responsibilities creates tension and is often perceived as a challenge, as a specific non-verbal message to other family members. So, for example, if a wife does not go to cook breakfast one morning, although she usually did, such an act can be a serious statement of her dissatisfaction with the situation and even a signal to start “military" actions.

Husband and wife exist wonderfully in the mode of "young spouses": they are playful, cheerful, both are passionate about their profession, get along with each other and unite in a strong community that opposes a grumpy mother-in-law. Everything changes when a child arrives. The spouses, until recently unanimous, cannot agree on how to distribute their duties, who should sacrifice their career to a greater extent. They temporarily cease to be a team capable of solving the tasks facing them, they cannot effectively interact.

One of the main reasons for the crisis of the modern family is that family members, as the context in which they now have to operate, are required to restructure relationships.

Family psychology in a crisis situation: factors and conditions for exit

The so-called interaction stereotypes, that is, the habitual patterns of communication within the family, are usually rigidly fixed, and their violation is alarming. When the composition of a family changes, the activities of each of its members change in one way or another, and this, in turn, leads to the need to change the stereotypes of interactions. To eliminate the factors of the family crisis, it is necessary to develop new rules: who will do what and be responsible for what. This is a natural process, often it ends successfully, however, at the stage of mastering new rules of interaction in the family, there are more conflicts and misunderstandings than usual. An excellent illustration of the psychological crisis of the family can serve as a well-known Soviet film "For family reasons."

Changes associated with a change in the composition of the family often entail a change in the status and roles of the people who make it up. In the family, everyone has their own role, which is associated with both external manifestation and a certain self-perception: husband, wife, father, mother-in-law. The birth of a child turns a woman into a mother, an ex-mother is awarded the status of a grandmother (not always desirable), and an older child becomes a brother or sister.

A new role requires not only a change in behavior and new forms of contact with others, but also a new understanding of oneself, an analysis of one's values, and the setting of priorities. This necessary inner process is not always easy. Often a new role leads to an internal conflict, the new status of a family member is rejected in a crisis, a person seeks to return to his usual image of himself.

So, a man, despite his love for his child, opposes the role of a father, does not want to take responsibility for anyone, he is overcome by rebellious or infantile fantasies about freedom, “another life” and independence. Numerous cases are also known when a woman does not want to accept her new role, cannot feel like a mother without conflict. She may reflect and worry about the correct choice of a partner, the loss of her attractiveness, female and professional opportunities.

Another example: before the birth of a child, a husband and wife were only spouses; after the birth of a child, they perceive each other both as spouses and as partners in raising children, parents. One role, marital, for example, could not cause any friction and disagreement in them, they were pleased with themselves and each other in this role. And another role, parental, may already be a subject for dissatisfaction or misunderstanding. The husband is pleased with his other half as a wife, but as a mother she seems to him overly hysterical, inconsistent or too soft. Or, on the contrary, a woman is satisfied with her husband as a father (soft, attentive, reliable), but he does not fully satisfy her as a partner in marriage (unromantic, boring).

In any case, the new role complicates the system of people's relations, connects them with more diverse and complex psychological ties.

When one of the family members leaves (death, divorce, or simply leaves), the remaining members of the family need to master a new activity, because the departed had certain responsibilities and his own role in the system.

The condition for the exit of such a family from a crisis situation is the assumption of certain functions:

• making money;
• trips to the store;
• Cooking;
• payment of bills;
• child care;
• organization of leisure, holidays.

Also in such a crisis situation, the remaining family members will have to change their role in the relationship system:

• contact with friends and relatives;
• education of the younger generation;
• support and comfort of relatives;
• conflict resolution.

All these tasks “sag” with the departure of a family member, and they need to be redistributed.