How to respond to change?
The foundation of any relationship is, of course, trust. But far from all partners are decent and far from all partners comply with the agreements. It doesn't matter how you found out about it: your mistress personally reported to you, your partner confessed to you, or you yourself found completely unambiguous evidence, but they cheated on you. What to do in such a situation, how to react correctly, how to behave and what you need to restore your self-esteem.
Changed a man: what to do?
For many women, this turn of events can be a total disaster. The person with whom you shared days and nights suddenly preferred you to another woman. This is especially painful when it comes to a long, perhaps many years of deceit.
Then, when you found out about the betrayal, the most important thing is to recover, move away from the shock. Here the methods are individual, use what suits you. And then, – most importantly, decide what you want in the future from this particular man. It is from this that you should build on your reactions.
It is also worth reflecting on a few points. For example, consider why a man committed adultery. We can say that for the most part, the representatives of the stronger sex change when they don’t get something at home – warmth, attention, sex. Maybe your man is not satisfied with the fact that you have devoted yourself to pots and do not take care of yourself at all? Or vice versa – they took up a career, launched both themselves and the household. But you should not blame yourself for everything: all of the above may be a prerequisite, but the reason is solely in the irresponsibility and inability of a man to comply with agreements in a couple.
How to prevent cheating?
Be the most beautiful for a man. Take care of yourself, love yourself, do not forget to give a man enough attention. In order not to miscalculate anywhere, it is very useful to have a family evening once a week. No children, relatives and friends – just the two of you! Eat dinner, drink wine and discuss your relationship – without swearing or reproaches. Make small surprises. Just talk about what suits you in each other and what doesn't. It is best to write down everything in a diary: here we are great, here you were unfair to me, and I am too aggressive. This is a kind of business project, in which all the pros and cons are clearly indicated. This is the only way to build a truly happy and harmonious relationship.
How to increase self-esteem?
When a rival appears, a woman's self-esteem is greatly reduced. She begins to behave not quite adequately, which repels the man even more. Therefore, first of all, you need to think not about how to restore relationships, even if you want to, but about how to improve yourself – to become stronger, better, more beautiful. In this way, you will be able to keep the real you, and not completely dissolve in your grief. This will be useful even when you are no longer going to continue the relationship with this man.
What should not be done?
Do not call her and make an appointment. What will change from the fact that you see her, in your personal attitude? It doesn't matter what you do – start crying, appeal to her conscience, begging her to leave your family alone and pity the children – it doesn't matter. This is a kind of humiliation, and you definitely don’t need to humiliate yourself in front of your mistress.
To forgive or not to forgive betrayal?
Only you can answer this question, and no one else. Someone does not forgive betrayal at all, in any form, and immediately leaves the man. This is a good option, so you will have a chance to start a new, happier relationship faster with a more responsible partner. If you do not have joint children, then it is care that will be the most optimal solution, a bold point after this kind of betrayal.
If you have children, things get more complicated. You can certainly save your relationship for the sake of the children: but now the man will not have a kind of presumption of innocence, you will not be able to trust him and the foundation of this relationship will not be, no matter what apologies there are. For some in such situations, it helps to make the relationship open – that is, to legitimize the existence of a relationship on the side, taking into account the awareness of all participants. If you intend to still maintain a relationship, it makes sense to attend a course of couples psychotherapy sessions. Then, with the closing of all gestalts and the resolution of omissions, a professional will help you.