Typical mistakes of parents when raising children: the main miscalculations in family strategy
Someone makes strategic miscalculations more often, someone less often, but in any case, this path is thorny, purely individual, and no one is immune from mistakes. The main thing is that the mistakes made when raising children in the family should not be fatal, when the wrong model of behavior is so firmly fixed in the baby that it becomes incredibly difficult to correct it.
Family Education Strategies
Since the child looks weak on the outside, and the area of ignorance in relation to him in adults significantly exceeds the area of knowledge, the typical strategy of most young parents is to do what their own parents did with them. Moreover, at this time, those very parents who have become grandparents are very often nearby. And this is a typical mistake of family education, because not a single person can be tried on someone else's "pattern" – everyone needs to be approached with individual "measures".
The second strategy is to use the theoretical principles of parenting created by great educators and described in books that parents have carefully studied, seriously approaching their own role as future educators. The only thing they didn't take into account was that none of the great teachers raised their children: Makarenko didn’t have them, Montessori was forced to send the child to be raised in the village, and he only met his mother at the age of 21. The great educator Rousseau gave five of his children to an orphanage. He himself was brought up in an orphanage, and, having not experienced the warmth of home, he sincerely believed that the children were better there. Therefore, relying on other people's advice, it will not be possible not to make mistakes when raising a child in one's own family.
To just sleep, parents go to a lot of tricks and compromises, both with the book's high requirements, and with their own highly moral ideas.
The child is placed in bed with his mother, moving his father, at best, to a cot, at worst, to a mattress next to him. At the same time, parents do not even know what kind of mine they are laying in the relationship between themselves. A child who is accustomed to sleeping with his mother will not want to lose his successful position, and as soon as dad is about to lie down in his rightful place, the baby, who still does not know how to pronounce words, will point his finger at the mattress.
And such mistakes of family upbringing are innumerable: a child, guarded by loving and responsible adults, turns into a monster that controls these adults, forcing them to forget all the great principles of liberalism and democracy. He provokes them to the harsh, authoritarian and sometimes tyrannical acts that they themselves long ago, in childhood, condemned when their own parents committed them towards them.
Problems in raising a child in a family
The problem is that no matter what upbringing strategy a parent chooses, on the one hand, he puts his best qualities into the child, and on the other hand, all his own negative characteristics. Only the best he puts through the word, and the worst – through his actions.
When telling a child about the need to be honest, a parent, late in the morning for kindergarten (because everyone overslept corny), makes a typical mistake of family education: he comes up with a touching story, according to which there was no way to come on time.
He insists on the need to respect elders, but the child hears what words one of his parents calls his grandparents, mom and dad of his husband or wife. But you never know what else parents do, then justifying their little meanness and betrayal, as well as disrespect for another person by the fact that they cannot restrain themselves, and at home, relaxing, they say everything that has boiled in their souls. But the child absorbs everything like a sponge.
One of the main mistakes of family education is that an adult struggles with these bad traits in a child, and not in himself: he has long ceased to notice these petty betrayals of himself, because they help to survive in those real conditions in which the family is immersed.
A child is born with great potential, with the ability to adapt to any culture. It has been proven that by the time of birth he can pronounce the sounds of any language of the world, but by the end of the first year of life he reproduces only the sounds of the language of his parents. It is in the first year of life that the maximum number of neurons die, since environmental conditions require less from the child than he potentially can.
The main thing is that the child actively adapts to this world, and he does this outside the categories of “good" or “bad”, relying only on what gives pleasure and allows him to control communication with others. And this happens not because he is bad from birth, but because he is a living being, programmed to stay alive. He adjusts his behavior to the behavior of those who care for him. And in the course of this process, he takes into account both habits that are convenient for adults (say, going to bed and feeding by the clock), and all the weaknesses of caregivers, for example, their willingness to relax a little, to resolve what is in another, more in a calm state, they would never have allowed (to eat extra sweets, sit at a computer, etc.).
If parents make one mistake after another in their upbringing, then the child unconsciously and quickly masters the method of provocations that quarrel between grandmother and father, and mother and father, after which each of the adults, wanting to make the child his ally, will give him something of those things, the receipt of which in the family is usually regulated.